John W Mader
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DIVORCE IN AMERICA

12/12/2012

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I have a friend, well more than one, but I’m talking  about this one particular  one. Her name is Mary Ann. In her early 50’s, Mary Ann  has been married and  divorced twice. The second one happened this week.

I tried to be the  consoling friend but I was finding it  hard to work up any real emotion. 43% of  all marriages end in divorce. This was  her second one and she is currently  engaged to be married yet again and in all  likely hood will end it in another  divorce.

For me having a lot of sympathy on this is sort of like having  sympathy for people that keep parking their  trailers in the flood plans along a  river or building their homes on a fault line in California. Ya get what you  deserve. That was until  she told me about the settlement.

It seems my  friend was married in Pennsylvania which is a  no fault state. It also seems, at  least in her case, that means every thing is split 50/50. That includes the  house , retirement funds, pensions, government  bonds, cars every thing. Sounds  good on the surface. It’s nice and fair, unless  one spouse or the other is a drug using, country music listening, beer swilling, pick up driving, loser. The other spouse is a long time corporate exec with a  large company who just happened to pay for every thing.

A quick side note, the person that files for divorce in  Pensylvania pays the alimony. In this case Mary Ann filed
so her husband got the alimony checks while the court and multiple lawyers took their time to settle the community property over a period of several years.  Guys….what kinda dickless wonder do you have to be to live off alimony? 
 
Answer: The kind I mentioned  above.
 
So as Mary Ann drinks her  cosmopolitans and gets all involved in the details and drones on and on I ask  her three times what the final price tag was. What exactly is half? Finally she  stops ignoring the question and with a deep sigh and a long look off into the  distance she says;

“A quarter of a million dollars.”

That’s  right she personally lost out of her own money a  quarter of a million dollars. What had been a planned retirement in a few years at age 55 now could be some  time in her 60’s or 70’s depending on how her investments play and her health  holds out and or any other number of un forseen problems.

So what’s  the solution? She had four I could think  of.
 


  1. Kill  him in his sleep and admit it to the cops. Don’t hire a lawyer get a
    public  defender and plea bargain. Sure ya go to jail but you put your
    money in  off shore interest bearing account. 10 years later after
    learning valuable skills like how not to drop your soap and making license
    plates, and  getting  in shape using state supplied free weights, ya get
    out. Go to the Virgin islands and live a nice life. Don’t believe  me?

    It’s working for Martha Stewart.


  2. Spend 10 Grand and have a professional do it. This is kinda sticky cause ya
    then have to hit the hit man or you get blackmailed for the rest of  your life.    
    Not the perfect plan but for those that don’t like getting  their hands  dirty
    it’s an option.


  3. Never divorce him just make him so miserable he would leave on his own. This
    is  tough  especially if he is a smart loser. They can put up with any thing
    as  long  as they get a free ride. Pride is not a priority for them.


  4. Cash  out all her money and just vanish one day. Move to Mexico    
    change her name and run a  nice little tourist spot on the  beach.


Number 4 is the most practical.

No one dies. The dead  beat gets nothing and the victim wins in the end. Most people aren’t that
smart  though. Which is why when you hear on the news that some one killed  their  spouse, think twice before you judge them harshly. If you faced losing  half of every thing you ever earned with a slim chance of ever making it
back, what  would you do?

So after taking that all into account and  considering that 43% of all marriages end in divorce and then of the 57% still
married, half  are probably unhappy but afraid to split up so they just  suffer until one  partner or the other dies of old age. Why in the hell would  any one ever get  married? It’s just another contract.

Single life rocks!!!!!

Mental note: If I am ever stupid enough to propose to  another woman ever again hide this article. It might make her  nervous.
  
Later

Mader

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